Question: My husband doesn’t feel comfortable praying out loud with myself or the children. Do you have any suggestions?

We often have an image of what ideal spiritual leadership ought to look like in our marriage, particularly for our husband. When the reality doesn’t fit our image we quickly find ourselves struggling with disappointment, lack of fulfillment, even anger. It’s important to remember the Bible doesn’t prescribe the exact methods of providing spiritual leadership in a marriage as much as it does general principles to use.

The basic principle of spiritual leadership is husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church (5:25-27). One of the clearest ways Jesus showed His love for His Bride, the Church, was by praying for on their behalf (see John chapter 17). Paul also explains husbands are to wash their wives in the Word, meaning we are to read or share the Scriptures with our spouse on a continual basis.

 
Husbands who feel uncomfortable praying out loud can start by simply holding hands with their wife and praying silently (Gary Chapman’s excellent suggestion). Start small – with perhaps just 30 seconds of silent prayer. Over time your husband will likely gain confidence and one day try praying short prayers out loud. It’s important that all along you show patience and not judge your husband because he isn’t as verbally confident as you are.

 
Another suggestion is buying a devotional book and reading a page a day together. We have written Marriage Minutes: Inspirational Readings You Can Share With Your Spouse, just for this purpose. (It’s available to order on-line at www.marriagevine.com.) Your husband can simply read one page a day and doesn’t need to say anything beyond that. Such a devotional book provides structure, content, and a comfortable way for him to lead the two of you in devotions together. There are also numerous on-line ministries that offer monthly or quarterly devotionals that give you both the opportunity to share 5 minutes of Scripture reading and prayer together each day (see Today in the Word at www.moody.edu for one such resource).

 
Finally, there are numerous audio downloads available on the Internet that you two can listen to together at no cost. For example http://www.biblegateway.com has the entire Bible on audio download available to hear at the click of a mouse. The two of you can sit together and listen to one or two chapters of Scripture read to you in a meaningful fashion. The end result is again, you have had devotions together without creating a threatening situation for your husband.

 
Wives, may we suggest you compliment your husband for each small step they take? He doesn’t need to preach like Peter or pray like Paul, as the old spiritual goes, for you to show your respect and gratitude. Let your husband be himself taking small steps he feels comfortable with and then express your genuine appreciation. It will draw out the best in him and encourage his role as spiritual leader in your home.