Question:  We are so deep in consumer debt that it appears bankruptcy is our only option left. Tensions over money are threatening our marriage. How can we keep it from tearing us apart?

For decades it’s been true that money problems are the number one cause behind divorce. Money problems have a way of eating away at the core of a relationship and creating anger, fear, and bitterness between partners.

However, arguing over money and debt is only a symptom of a deeper problem in a marriage. Money has a unique way of exposing the struggle for control and competing values between a husband and wife.  If you are facing overwhelming debt at the moment realize that the two of you made a series of decisions to spend more than you earned (unless your debt is due to a medical calamity, lawsuit, or financial crisis beyond your control).

First, both of you need to confess to God and each other your decision to spend more than you made was a sin. There are legitimate reasons to incur debt (such as the purchase of house with a mortgage). However, consumer debt is usually the result of trying to acquire things we cannot afford or live beyond our means. Both of you need to ask the Lord to forgive you for failing to be content with what God provides.

Next, you should reach out to qualified and godly financial counselors for advice. Crown Ministries and other Christian-based ministries can help you sort through your financial problems and respond with solid biblical wisdom. In many cases your consumer debt can be drastically reduced without bankruptcy by working through a certified debt reduction agency. These people are able to negotiate directly with your creditors to settle your debt for 60% or less on the dollar. The result is you can break free from the stranglehold of escalating interest, late payments, and harassing phone calls from creditors.

Finally, you need to forgive each other for the wrong choices you made. Rather than assigning blame, commit from this point forward to honor the Lord with the first fruits of your income, to live within your means, and to pay off your creditors as God allows. Money problems can actually be an opportunity in disguise. It can be the catalyst to restore self-discipline in your life and straighten out distorted values. If handled properly resolving money issues can help your marriage gain a new sense of teamwork and oneness.